For a moment I almost forgot you’re only human.

(but a moment isn’t very long…)

Cannonball Run

For Christ’s sake! ! !

Where’s Burt Reynolds when you need him?
(am I right, ladies?)

See- I need to cross roughly 3,000 miles of American landscape in only 32 hours and 51 minutes- the Cannonball record.
But can I make it?

Hell, even Burt, Farrah, and the incomparable Captain Chaos couldn’t do it (they lost the race when the Captain decided to save a drowning puppy instead of clock out (by the way, puppies are notoriously good swimmers)).

So now what?

I stand at the crossroads of life. One road leads to glory; the other to shame.

But how the hell do I get across Arizona in the heat of summer, with the windows stuck rolled up, and the air-conditioner on the fritz?

Smile child.

If you throw enough money at a problem, it’ll just go away.

And, after all, that’s why they made airplanes.

Good Morning, Samantha

10:08 AM.

Samantha sits at her desk and surveys the situation.

It is quiet. Too quiet.

10:11 AM.

A hurried courier rushes past.

Samantha takes a sip from her coffee mug. She always brings in a mug from home. “$3.15 a cup is a rip.” She now mouths this to herself, over and over again, like some 9-5 tantric mantra.

Whatever gets you through the day, right?

This is what Samantha’s mug has drawn on it:


The phone rings. Samantha answers it. It is 10:12 AM. She hangs up the phone. It is 10:14.

Wake up, Samantha.
Wake up, wake up, wake up.

I Didn’t Sleep A Wink

As I lay awake in bed, and stare at the complete stranger lying next to me, I begin to ponder. Why didn’t I just buy the used car from him and then leave?

Why?

I guess it’s because I can’t take no for an answer. He said “no” to the 4-year warranty; I said let’s have sex back at my place.

It made sense at the time.

And my stereo softly drones on…and on…and on…

“The stars faded out of sight. The sun came into view, and still I thought of you. I didn't sleep a wink last night.”

Obviously, I can’t tell him to leave. He’s asleep. And, if I’m very quiet, he may never wake up. So, perhaps I’ll just let him stay here. For now.

Goodnight, stranger in my arms.