Cannonball Run

For Christ’s sake! ! !

Where’s Burt Reynolds when you need him?
(am I right, ladies?)

See- I need to cross roughly 3,000 miles of American landscape in only 32 hours and 51 minutes- the Cannonball record.
But can I make it?

Hell, even Burt, Farrah, and the incomparable Captain Chaos couldn’t do it (they lost the race when the Captain decided to save a drowning puppy instead of clock out (by the way, puppies are notoriously good swimmers)).

So now what?

I stand at the crossroads of life. One road leads to glory; the other to shame.

But how the hell do I get across Arizona in the heat of summer, with the windows stuck rolled up, and the air-conditioner on the fritz?

Smile child.

If you throw enough money at a problem, it’ll just go away.

And, after all, that’s why they made airplanes.