Late Night Caller

Heavy breathing…
“Who is this?”
“Hey, baby, what are you wearing right now?”
“Do I know you?”
“I know you want it- you’re a dirty, dirty slut.”
“I’m going to ask this again. Who is this?”

Heavy Breathing…

“Look, sicko, this isn’t funny.”
“That’s right. I like my bitches scared. Are you scared…Steve?”
Dial tone.
“Think about my offer, Steve. I’ll call you.”

I flip through the phone book. Should I try again? I’m not sure I can face the rejection. And yet, I know Mr. Right is out there somewhere. Just waiting. Waiting for my call.

That’s why I must pick up the phone…and dial.

Second to the Right and Straight on till morning

I tried to plan everything out. But the more I plan, the more things change.

Damn it.

Why can't I predict the future? That damn psychic, the one with the cool electric neon blue sign, is bleeding me dry! I need another source of income. And soon. My weekly horoscope is coming up and I can't take a chance of going without it.

Ahh, I inhale the scent of chili. Delicious. Nothing like chili to clear your head. Chili, and of course, Ben Folds. Is there always someone cooler than me? I guess so. It's something I've been dealing with.

Is it all a matter of planning? Or, is it a matter of intuition? As the battle with my psyche roars on (intuition vs. common sense), I realize that excessive planning isn't the only route. If I let things fly, I'll still know what to do. Just like Peter Pan who improvised an answer when asked for directions to Neverland- a trip that he knew how to make on instinct alone.

Liebestod

Statistics show that I will probably outlive my cat- but I am not sure that I want to.

Silly Rabbit, Science is for Singaporean Kids!

I would like to take a moment to applaud the Trix Rabbit. In a time when America is slumping in the race to generate little scientists of our own, he has taken it upon himself to teach every single non-diabetic child the skills he or she will need to know in order to get a PhD in Sciencehood. Well done, Rabbit, well done.

If only I had the Trix Rabbit at bat for me in middle school- then maybe I too would be a scientist, instead of the deadbeat mooch, living off of my parents, and handouts from the local homeless shelter- but, of course, I digress.

See, I respect science; and I appreciate science; but neither respect it or appreciate it enough to be able to stay awake through a Geology lecture. Like many Americans, I learn what science interests me most. And right now, the only science I’m interested in is that that has to do with Time Travel!

So, please, for the good of our fair Nation, feed your children Trix Yogurt- not just for its vast nutritional value but also for future of Science, itself!

Straight from the Yogi’s Mouth?

It's not that I don't want to believe my Yoga instructor; but can she really be an expert in anthropology, as well as in finding one's path to enlightenment?

Well? I'm asking. Can she?

I say probability is on her side.

So, I won't doubt her. No, I can't. Not again. I will take what she says at face value and that's it. Case closed. Yet again…how easy it would be to look it up on wikipedia and find yet another source on the subject, written by yet another amateur in the field.

Both good options.

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In the end, I choose to follow my Yoga teacher- even though what she says goes against modern anthropology and evolution. You may ask, "Why? Why go against science?" The answer? Because she can give me the one thing science can't: six-pack abs…and when the jackpot's that big, you can't afford to gamble.

The Singularity

I wish I was an astrophysicist. I wish that not just for the hip, sultry lifestyle that goes along with it- but more because I want to know how to make a transversable wormhole capable of traveling to parallel dimensions.

As I flipped through the pages of Wikipedia, it soon became apparent that I would need more help. I sat back, smoked a cigarette, and listened to the music pouring out of my iTunes. "Some of us hover when we weep for the other, who was dying since the day they were born." Yes, isn't that always the way?

But Lisa Loeb is of no comfort to me now. I am lost in a world of anti-gravity, super colliders, and black holes rotating into oblivion. Is the singularity the answer? Most certified scientists would say: no. It's a danger to universe and everything in it.

But I wonder about that. If it's so wrong...might it also be right?